Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Keller Memoirs

January 24, 2009
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Saturday was a bit busy. (You didn't think we'd take the weekend off, did you?)

On the day of the inauguration we formally took over the Bishop Henry Whipple Federal Building down by the airport. We evicted every agency that had gone over to The Zero and his crew. Which is to say all of them. We did give the individual local workers the chance to work for us. We didn't get anyone from the EPA. (Fucking Gaianists...)

At about 0900 on Saturday a Marine Corps KC-130 came into the airport from the east coast. We counted seven bullet holes on the aircraft. To no surprise to us the media drones supporting The Zero didn't report any fighting in the DC area.

On board were the Chief of Naval Operations, the Commandant of the Marine Corps, the Deputy Chiefs of Staff of the Army and the Air Force, their aides, and their immediate families. We set up new offices for them in the Whipple Building for the time being. We also told them that if they order pizza for delivery to NOT call it the Whipple Building. It confuses the delivery drivers. (We had to learn that one the hard way.)

The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and Chiefs of Staff of the Army and the Air Force went over to The Zero. Three nine-millimeter pistol rounds were duly set aside for them. (The nine-millimeter pistol is an acceptable weapon for (**COUGH**) administrative purposes, but anyone who reasonably expects to fight with a pistol prefers a .45.)

Around Noon a T-38 (that's a two seat supersonic trainer) came in from Offut Air Force Base.

In back seat was the governor of Nebraska, in the pilot's seat was the Commander of the what we used to call the Strategic Air Command. (Yes, I know general officers aren't supposed to fly airplanes by themselves.) They had an interesting proposition for us.

Oh, and we now own the U.S. nuclear arsenal too.

At about 1400 hours our time the United Nations Security Council voted to recognize The Zero and his crew as the legitimate government of the United States.

We expected that.

President March signed an executive order terminating our membership in the United Nations and repudiating all treaties sponsored by the U.N.

What we didn't expect was that the British Ambassador to the U.N. voted for the resolution.

The problem was that when FU died the Conservative Party didn't elevate his chosen successor to premiership, but instead voted in a very well polished dolt instead. Seriously, that idiot couldn't pass a mirror without preening himself in it.

John and I spent about an hour on the phone with his Aunt and FU's former chief henchman.

Things are going to get a bit hot for the Prime Minister in the next week or so.

And then Mom called.

My Mom. On the phone. She lives about a mile north of Wadena, Minnesota. So she's out of the way for now.

Unfortunately she still has a serious problem with the concept of lawful authority.

I spent the better part of an hour explaining to her that under the terms of the Twelfth Amendment that John Andrew March, that kid who used to give me a ride down to the Little Tin Soldier shop for Friday Night gaming in his Triumph TR-6 three decades ago, is the lawfully elected President of the United States. And that The Zero, the Speaker of the House and her clique, and the rest of The Other Party caucus in the House of Representatives, are now criminals with absolutely no legal authority whatsoever.

Oh, and the United Nations has no authority either.

After Mom hung up I ordered a pizza from Dulono's on Lake Street.

Yes, that's how I deal with stress. So how was your day?


No comments: